Kids Favorite Songs 2: The Silly Copy
Why hickory dickory dock, Yeah hickory dickory dee. Yes, The clocks struck one, Gonna have some fun. It's the Mother Goose Jamboree. Those were some lyrics from a video by Sony Wonder called Kids Favorite Songs 2. Before I tell you all about it, I know what you are going to say. You're about to say, "Where's the first one?" That's none of your fucking business. I'm pretty sure the first one is on YouTube including the 2nd one. Okay, So Kids Favorite Songs is from Sesame Street and was part of a 2 movie series. No! Not an actual fucking movie! I'm sorry, I'm pissed after I saw a silly copy of Kids Favorite Songs 2. It caused cartoon characters including movie you know whatever to come into my house. I've had this strange feeling that it caused a imagination of creepypastas from different universes. Here is my story. What's gucci my friend? My name is Gary Johnston, I work for Team America and I have a good inspiration for Sesame Street. You know, I am not a man who lives in a fucking pineapple under the sea. I am a man. I'm going to tell you my experience of a fucked up Sesame Street video. One day, I was on my way home when I stepped on what appeared to be a copy of Kids Favorite Songs 2. I took it home unless it belonged to a little kid who dropped it when he/she went to the goodwill store. I remember a moment on this video where a kid thought that Jack and Jill were from a different country. Motherfucker, Jack and Jill are english. Sorry if I embarassed you. I sat my ass down and put the video in my VCR. The tape started with the warning screen and the Sony Wonder logo including the Sesame Workshop intro. But then something familiar happened. When the Elmo's World: Wild Wild West preview opened up. It was redone in Vyond (a.k.a Goanimate) I found that very awkward but continued on. It started out as the normal video would, except the color was distorted, and when Elmo got to telling the viewers about their favorite song, It immediately jumped to the song On Top of Spaghetti. All that was on the screen was Snuffy just walking down Sesame Street and not being interested in talking to the viewer, only there wasn't any music like there usually was. It lasted about 3 and a half minutes. It didn't show Snuffy talking about his experience with a big ass meatball; I just assumed that whoever put it online had edited it for time or something. The song is abruptly cut off as it showed a black screen. The next scene showed Elmo sitting with the 2 girls that were in Elmo's moments of what their favorite song was. The strange thing was, all of the windows across Sesame Street were broken. One of the girls started crying. Very hard. But, it didn't sound anything like it does when a kid normally cries. It sounded like a screaming squirrel from a perfectly cut screams video. But it was still different. It sounded so real and intense. One girl was absolutely bawling. She started stripping her clothes off while victory screeching. Then, the camera zoomed really close in on Elmo's face, but it is the kind of zoom as if it was being video taped by a real person. Then, the camera zoomed out to show Big Bird pissing on the stairs to the 123 building. It was very funny including that last one. It cut to the Hey Diddle Diddle song, Except Edgar Turtle seemed high and had paintings of penises on him, Near him were some cookies scattered all over. It zoomed into his eye for a split second then zoomed back out. Edgar Turtle said," Hola motherfucker! I want you to tell me where I can find Robyn Starling from Tom and Jerry: The Movie." Then he pulled out a gun pointing at the screen and said, "I'm going to give you five seconds to tell me or i'll fuck your wife Gary Johnston!" Edgar knew about me? I didn't think so! It was probably just a joke. But then he started coming out of my TV still pointing his gun at me. I shut the tape off and decided to forget about it. At least Edgar went away. He was probably invisible and still planning to have sex with my wife. I turned on the TV to find out that Edgar was gone. So I put the tape back in. The next scene showed one of the kids talking about what nursery rhymes do at night. Instead, They were having an operation on one of the girls. Here's how it went: Girl 1: This looks serious. The girl then walked towards the other sick girl. Doctor: OK Eliza, I need to do a couple of tests with you, first you need to open your mouth all the way. The doctor put a thermometer in Eliza's mouth. The thermometer was just staying put though, it was not changing at all. Doctor: Hmm, you don't seem to be cold or hot. What is it that is making you like this? The doctor then took an orb out, then put it on her. The orb then made a noise that sounded like a siren. Girl 1: Oh shit! I can't believe they swore like a meme. Girl 2: What is it!? *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!* Girl 1: Oh... uh nothing. The girl immediately ran out of the room. Elmo and Snuffy noticed this. Snuffy: You alright little girl, What's the matter? Girl 1: I have bad news, I'm afraid one of the girls on the street have...have..... Elmo: What, what is it? Girl 1: One of them have penis aids. Elmo: Penis aids? What's that? Girl 1: It's a deadly disease that is caused when someone keeps cumming their dick too long. Young girls don't have a penis so what the fuck even was this. I had enough of this shit. I got up and smashed the shit out of the tape. I sold it to a goodwill store and tried to forget about it. My appetite was not in good shape. I ate some salads, Egg whites, Steak and ten vegan burgers. I decided to throw out my box of Oreo O's in my house after watching this. To be honest the whole thing just made me sad, uncomfortable and nauseous. I had almost lost my love on cereal. I opened the fridge. A box of Maxaroni smiled at me. It was a sinister smile, I’ll tell you that much. Curiosity got the best of me, though. A few weeks of sleepless nightmares involving girls and the collective works of Judy Garland later, I decided to not learn what the tape had on it. I mean It was just a tape, right? It’s not like when things happen in these stories and then later it really happens in real life I mean that never happens in these stories right? I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. “Edgar Turtle.” I said. He showed up immediately. He thought I couldn’t see him there, but I could. “Edgar Turtle!” I said it a second time and he started to move closer. I decided not to say it a third time. I know what you’re thinking. I should have, right? Well, instead I made a sandwich. “Maybe you should consider a healthier choice.” A voice whispered. I mean it was him, he was right there, in the corner. Thought I couldn’t see him still. He hadn’t even appeared. I found out that there was a camera installed under my sink and someone in a van outside had been stalking me. I sighed, loudly. I ate my sandwich and went to bed. And when I woke up, There were characters from movies and cartoons in my first part of my house. Yes, I know, you’re tired of this, well so am I. The ragtag collection of cartoon catastrophes were all standing in my living room. Simba was using my VCR player to watch Schoolgirls Growing Up. Thomas the Tank Engine was playing Tic Tac Toe with one of the girls in Kids Favorite Songs 2 ! Jenny Foxworth was eating some chocolate chip cookies in the fridge and smiling at me. The eyes of the many lost episode characters peered at me, stop immediately, and began to sing. Times have changed, our kids are getting worse They won't obey their parents, they just want to fart and curse! Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the images on TV? No! Blame Canada Blame Canada With all their beady little eyes And flapping heads so full of lies Blame Canada! Blame Canada! We need to form a full assault It's Canada's fault! Don't blame me for my son Stan He saw the darn cartoon and now he's off to join the Klan! And my boy Eric once had my picture on his shelf But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself! Well, blame Canada Blame Canada SHEILA It seems that everything's gone wrong Since Canada came along! ADULTS Blame Canada, Blame Canada They're not even a real country, anyway My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true Instead, he burned up like a piggy on a barbecue Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire? Or the doctors who allowed him to expire? Heck no! Blame Canada Blame Canada With all their hockey hullabaloo And that bitch Anne Murray, too Blame Canada! Shame on Canada For... the smut we must stop The trash we must smash The laughter and fun Must all be undone We must blame them and cause a fuss Before someone thinks of blaming us! “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I yelled. “Get the fuck out of my house, what is this?” Matt Damon, who played himself on Arthur walked out in a speedo. He stood next to a bowl of cereal with Spongebob Eggo waffles and baby sausage links. “All a part of a balanced breakfast!” He attempted to dive into the bowl of cereal in a cartoon fashion, but instead cracked his head on the bowl and table and fell on the floor with an apparent concussion. “Haven’t seen you in a while, partner.” I leered up to see, horrified, that Amy Alden, my old nemesis, was alive and well. “Keep your spacely sprockets in your pants, you sick fuck.” I picked up the kitchen knife. I kept the scraps of the video in my closet and still keep it in there today so Spottswoode doesn't see it. But anyway, I locked my closet door and emailed Sony Wonder, saying how inhumane to make an animation like that out of a children's cartoon. I also attached a duplicate copy by email. They actually told me that they made it in a secret room because they were having secret plans to make it into Kids Favorite Songs 2: Adult edition, like Disney's Frozen's fate was, but it got canceled due to negative response from test viewers. That made me ban Sesame Street from my friends.